Think about your last important conversation. Were you truly absorbing what the person talking said, or were you crafting your response while they were still talking?

We desperately want to be understood, but we rob others of that same experience by listening with an agenda.

In sales: You ask about their challenges, but you’re already mentally matching their words to your product features. They feel interrogated, not heard.

In leadership: Your team member shares a concern, but you’re formulating your solution before they finish. They leave feeling dismissed, not supported.

In relationships: Your partner describes their day, but you’re preparing your own story. They sense you’re waiting for your turn, not truly present.

The telltale signs you’re listening to reply:

• You interrupt or finish their sentences
• You immediately pivot: “That reminds me of when I…”
• You ask leading questions that steer toward your agenda
• You feel impatient when they pause

What listening to understand looks like:

• You ask clarifying questions: “Help me understand…”
• You reflect back what you heard: “So what I’m hearing is…”
• You sit with silence after they finish speaking
• You respond to their emotion, not just their words

When people feel truly heard, they become infinitely more willing to hear you.

In your next important conversation, listen with zero agenda. Don’t think about your response. Just absorb the words they are saying completely.