Great communicators speak two languages: emotion and reason.

One of my favorite lessons in communication can be summed up in 10 words: “We meet emotion with emotion. We meet reason with reason.”

The problem is, we often misread which mode we’re in or which mode the person we are communicating with is in. Both matter.

When the other person is emotional, they need to feel heard. They aren’t looking for a logical solution, so responding with “Here’s what you should do…” is going to kill your connection.

When the other person is rational, they want clear thinking, so responding with feelings like, “I just don’t like it…”, will also kill your connection.

In Sales: Prospect says, “This feels risky.” (emotional). You reply with features and benefits. (rational) The conversation ends.

In Leadership: Teammate says, “I’m overwhelmed.” (emotional) You reply with timelines and priorities. (rational) Your colleague feels unheard.

In relationships: Spouse says, “You never listen.” (emotional) You reply, “That’s not true, yesterday I…” (rational) The conflict escalates.

Remember, before you speak, identify the mode first, then match it. Add these responses to your back pocket:

• Emotional Response: “That sounds frustrating. Tell me more about what you’re experiencing.”
• Rational Response: “Let’s look at the data. What factors matter most here?”

Once you meet someone in their mode, they usually shift. Meet the emotion, and they’re ready for solutions. Meet the logic, and they’ll share more openly.